


The Warden of Oz

by Thessalian



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: Filk, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-03
Updated: 2012-03-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 00:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thessalian/pseuds/Thessalian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Female Elf Mage playthrough of Dragon Age, set to the songs in The Wizard of Oz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Warden of Oz

(Neria Surana, little elven Mage apprentice, stands at the front doors of the Tower, pleading with the Templars on guard duty.)

**Neria:** Can't I please go outside?  
 **Templar:** No.  
 **Neria:** This can't be healthy, you know, keeping us inside all the time!  
 **Templar:** Maybe not for you. Healthier for all the people you'd kill if you went maleficar, though.  
 **Neria:** I am not going go to become a maleficar just from taking a walk outside! Or ... you know, maybe a pint at the Spoiled Princess...  
 **Templar:** Oh, just go raid the Tranquils' distillery like _normal_ apprentices.  
 **Neria:** D'you think maybe cabin fever is why mages sometimes go _crazy_?  
 **Templar:** Just go crazy quietly and don't kill anyone, and all will be well. Now go sulk someplace where you won't make any trouble.

(Neria wanders off and sits on a bench by a window to more or less follow orders, if not as quietly as some might like.)

**Neria:** Trouble? Huh. My best friend's been acting weird and I think Cullen likes me but he's got vows and was trained to kill me. I don't think there's anywhere that there isn't any trouble. But I suppose there are more troublesome places ... outside these walls and far away...

(To the tune of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow")  
 **Neria:**  
Somewhere under the Frostbacks, way down low  
There's a place where the darkspawn and ageing Wardens go  
Somewhere under the Frostbacks, genlocks toil  
To find slumbering Old Gods to free and then despoil...

Some day I'll take the Harrowing  
And leave that whole apprentice thing behind me...  
Then Jowan will go apostate  
And force me to betray him (great)  
So Duncan finds me...

Somewhere under the Frostbacks, the horde grows  
Why they march on Ferelden, only the Maker knows.   
I'll take the Joining, I suppose  
And leave this Tower ... that might end my woes!

* * *

(Some time later, as Neria and Duncan exit the Circle Tower:)

**Cullen:** Her phylactery's still in Denerim, yes?  
 **Gregoair:** Mage phylacteries are not to be used for _stalking_ people, Cullen.   
**Cullen:** Aww.

* * *

(Duncan and Neria arrive at Ostagar:)

**Cailan:** Ho there, Duncan!  
 **Duncan:** Your majesty! I wasn't expecting--  
 **Cailan:** A royal welcome? Ha! I have better than just _that_. Bring on the minstrels!

(To the tune of "We Welcome You To Munchkinland")  
 **Cailan's Troops:**  
We represent King Cailan's army!  
King Cailan's army!  
King Cailan's army!  
And in the name of  
King Cailan's army...  
We wish to welcome you to Ostagar!

**Loghain's Troops:**  
We represent Teyrn Loghain's sworn men!  
Teyrn Loghain's sworn men!  
Teyrn Loghain's sworn men!  
And in the name of  
Teyrn Loghain's sworn men...

**Loghain:**  
We shall desert you all at Ostagar.

**Cailan:** What?  
 **Loghain:** Nothing, your majesty.  
 **Cailan:** Glorious! On with the welcome!

**Soldiers:**  
We welcome you to Ostagar Tra la la la la la la la!

**Cailan:**  
Together we'll make history!

**Duncan:**  
Redcliffe troops--

**Cailan:**  
There's no need!

**Loghain:**  
You'll be history.

**Cailan:**  
And they will glorify our names!

**Loghain:**  
This will be a bust.

**Duncan:**  
Not a bust--

**Cailan:**  
Yes! A bust  
In the hall of fame!

**Armies:**  
Tra la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la  
Tra la-la-la-la la laaaaaah!  
Tra la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la  
Tra la-la-la-la, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

(Archers! Hounds! Desertion! Ogre smash! Army/king/Duncan goes squish. Giant eagle soars by carrying Alistair & Neria.)

**Flemeth:** Were their tactics so skilled as their harmony, perhaps they might have won.

* * *

(Neria wakes in Flemeth's hut.)

**Neria:** Toto ... I've got a feeling we're not in Ostagar anymore.  
 **Morrigan:** Perhaps your skull was cracked worse than Mother feared...  
 **Neria:** Oh, right; the dog comes later. You're just the bitch.  
 **Morrigan:** I disapprove.  
 **Neria:** Silver bracelet?  
 **Morrigan:** I ... disapprove slightly less.

(Meanwhile, outside Flemeth's hut, Alistair stares out over the swamps and broods. In song.)

(To the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain")  
 **Alistair:**  
As a warrior for the Maker  
I felt like quite the faker  
At vows I drew the line  
And amidst my conniption  
Duncan called for my conscription  
And I thought it'd all be fine

I got left to guard a tower  
Was feeling pretty sour  
And much inclined to whine  
Then the armies died like cattle  
And Loghain just quit the battle  
('Cos he's such a wretched swine!)

So I still don't know why that Wilds-witch saved our lives  
And I hope that if the new recruit survives  
She'll ask the witch for what she strives

Now my past contains a mystery  
A funny sort of history  
Which now looks less benign  
'Cos the way this is headin'  
I could be King of Ferelden  
If I only had a spine...

(Neria comes out. Flemeth looks grateful.)

**Flemeth:** See? Here is your fellow Grey Warden. Now go collect armies or kill darkspawn or slay the archdemon or whatever will get you off my lawn. Oh, and take my daughter with you, even though she's ~~really only a vessel for something greater no matter how you slice it~~ a royal pain in the arse.  
 **Alistair:** I hate your daughter. But I hate confrontation more, so ... okay.  
 **Morrigan:** Farewell, Mother. I'll con these louts into killing you later.  
 **Flemeth:** Yes, dear. You just keep telling yourself that.

* * *

(Just outside of Lothering, as Neria & Alistair gather their party and venture forth:)

**Alistair:** Follow the yellow dirt road?  
 **Neria:** Which one? They're _all_ yellow dirt.  
 **Alistair:** Well, I don't know. Whichever way you choose. I don't want to argue about it.  
 **Morrigan:** Well, that is hardly surprising.  
 **Alistair:** Oh, shut up. (to Neria) What's with your shoes, anyway?  
 **Neria:** Enchanter's Footing. Off-white suede that soaked up maybe five Joinings' worth of darkspawn blood in the Tower of Ishal. You expect them to be any colour _but_ red?  
 **Alistair:** Well ... sort of more _brown_ , really. And a lot more ... fragrant.  
 **Neria:** Well, they are called _Enchanter's_ Footing. Maybe it's part of their magic?  
 **Alistair:** (raised eyebrow) Right. So if you click your heels together three times and say "There's no place like home..."?  
 **Neria:** ...If it worked like you're suggesting, I honestly don't know where I'd end up. I mean, the Circle Tower maybe, but that guy over there was talking about people turning into demons in the Circle Tower. I'm thinking, in an unknown situation like that ... maybe we should try the front door first.  
 **Alistair:** So ... the mages?  
 **Neria:** (decisive nod) The mages!

(The two link arms and skip off, singing. Morrigan rolls her eyes and follows at a bit of a distance while Dog bounces at the Wardens' heels.)

(To the tune of "We're Off to See the Wizard")  
 **Neria & Alistair:**  
We're off to see the mages  
The mages all locked in the Tower  
We'll show respect though we both suspect  
That we'll be met with a glower  
Our cache of old treaties is bona fide  
So we'll get the mages on our side  
'Cos magic, when it's properly applied  
Blows really big holes in a dragon's hide!  
We're off to see the mages  
The mages all locked in the Tower...

**Morrigan:** The fate of the nation rests in their hands.

(She takes a moment to watch skipping Wardens and bouncy Dog)

**Morrigan:** Ferelden is doomed.

* * *

(The group reach the Tower and sure enough, people=demons. After a hard morning's slaughter, the group gets a little holiday in the Fade.)

**Neria:** I had the strangest dream, and ... and you were there...  
 **Leliana:** Blessed art thou who exist in the sight of the Maker...  
 **Neria:** And you were there...  
 **Wynne:** Woe.  
 **Alistair:** And you were there...  
 **Alistair:** Sister _whee_!  
 **Neria:** ...Oh Maker's shaven nuts, and so were _you_.  
 **Sloth:** Moo Hoo Ha Ha.  
 **Neria:** ...Knickerweasels.

(Free of the Fade, and with the Tower cleansed, the group moves on. Scores of assassins wait on the road. Group slaughters them handily ... all but one.)

**Zevran:** I have this sudden urge to ask whether any of you happens to have an oil can handy.  
 **Neria:** Is that some kind of euphemism?  
 **Zevran:** (laughs) Quite possibly! Take me along on your wild adventures and we might find out, no?  
 **Neria:** How are you with musical numbers?  
 **Zevran:** ...Eh, it's a living. Provided you're not the sort who would kill me for singing off-key.  
 **Neria:** It'll do. I'm thinking Orzamarr next. We need armies with experience of darkspawn slaughter.  
 **Alistair:** ...The dwarves?  
 **Neria:** The dwarves!

(To the tune of "We're Off to See the Wizard" ... again)  
 **Neria & Alistair:**  
We're off to see the deshers  
And warriors of Orzamarr  
All unaware that when we get there  
We might not get very far  
Until we get sent to deliver news  
Or fight in the Provings as we choose  
And then the Dust Town carta we'll abuse...  
Andraste have mercy if we refuse!  
We're off to see the deshers  
And warriors of Orzamarr!

(Eventually, the party gets sent down to the Deep Roads to find Branka.)

**Neria:** And ... you're coming with us _why_?  
 **Oghren:** 'Cos you're gonna let me kill things!  
 **Neria:** ...That's fair.

(And of course, they meet up with ... obstacles.)

**Neria, Alistair, Zevran:**  
Genlocks and hurlocks and shrieks -- oh, my!  
Ogres and spiders and Ruck -- oh, my!  
Spectres and golems and--

**Oghren:** Either you silly sods need less ale, or I need more. Hrm. I need more. (chugs)

(Eventually, however, they reach the Anvil of the Void.)

**Caridin:** I am the Great and Powerful Golem of--  
 **Branka:** I want my Anvil!  
 **Caridin:** Pay no attention to the Paragon behind the boulder!

(Neria throws a bucket of water on Branka, who ... sputters a bit.)

**Alistair:** Um ... what?  
 **Neria:** ...*shrug*

(Stabnation ensues.)

* * *

(With a king on the throne of Orzamarr, the party moves on to Redcliffe, where Eamon apparently lies ill. They also find...)

**Demon!Connor:** Fly, my pretties! Fly!  
 **Corpses:** *shamble*  
 **Demon!Connor:** ...Close enough.

(The group is called upon to help fight the zombies off.)

**Ser Perth:** How about a little fire, corpse-thing?  
 **Corpses:** *shamble through the blazing barricade*  
 **Zevran:** Well, this is a fine thing. We really _do_ get flaming undead.

(Dawn arrives, and everyone survives. Cue the cheering and accolades, followed by a trip to Castle Redcliffe's scenic dungeons.)

**Jowan:** By the Maker -- _you_!  
 **Alistair:** Is he going to do a musical number? We don't have time for that...  
 **Neria:** Believe me; once he gets going, there's no way this side of the Black City to shut him up.

(To the tune of "If I Only Had the Nerve")  
 **Jowan:**  
Now I know that you'll be saying  
That from your cold betraying  
I got what I deserve  
But I'll keep on complaining  
'Til you threaten me with maiming  
'Cos I've got a lot of nerve.

So I'm really not exemplar  
I ran from every templar  
From justice I did swerve  
But I feel so very woeful

**Alistair:**  
'Cos you poisoned a good noble

**Leliana:**  
And that really was ignoble

**Neria:**  
So you'll stay there until justice we can serve...

**Jowan:**  
So I'm sure to die in pain.

**Neria:**  
Too bad.

**Alistair:**  
So sad.

**Jowan:**  
The nerve!

**Party:**  
Oooooooh we're off to see Arl Eamon  
And possibly murder his son  
'Cos Jowan couldn't teach worth beans  
And Redcliffe is overrun!  
The demon that's living in Connor's mind  
Will be such a bugger to kill or bind  
Unless a powerful ally we can find...  
Oh, Irving, my friend, would you be so kind?

**Neria:**  
I'm off to see a Fade Realm  
And kill off a demon - what fun...

* * *

(With the desire demon gone and Connor his old self again, Eamon is still ... unfortunately very sick. Now the mission is to search for miracles. The trail begins in Denerim...)

**Alistair:** So ... does this mean we can go visit my sister?  
 **Neria:** Sure. We needed a wicked bitch of the east.  
 **Leliana:** Can we also go kill my old Bard-mistress?  
 **Neria:** Sure. I guess that counts as a wicked bitch of the west.  
 **Zevran:** Am I to hope that perhaps we might slaughter some of my Crow associates as we pass?  
 **Neria:** *sigh* Let's just go to Denerim and hope we survive.

(To the tune of "The Merry Old Land of Oz")  
 **Entire party:**  
Dodge the guards, kill some Bards  
And we're hoping it won't be grim  
What Genitivi has to say  
In the city of Denerim!

**Sergeant Kylom:**  
Wastes of time, lives of crime  
And a danger to life and limb  
These guardsmen aren't worth what I pay  
In the city of Denerim!

**Neria:**  
We'll go clear the alleys of your bandit scum--

**Oghren:**  
Then go off to the Gnawed Noble for some rum!

**Neria:**  
Nuh-uh!

**Oghren:**  
Aw, you're no fun!

**Neria:**  
Got some cash for our stash  
Endured a Sister's hymn  
And bought some new robes 'of the witch'  
In the city of Denerim...

**Entire party:**  
Waste some time, do some crime  
And fulfil our good Templar's whim  
To meet his sister--

**Alistair:**  
Greedy bitch...

**Entire party:**  
With a ambush here  
And a dumb duel there  
In the city of Denerim!

(WIth those festivities out of the way, the party fights its way through the cultist-riddled town of Haven...)

**Father Eirick:** Pay no attention to the man behind the brickwork!  
 **Zevran:** I keel you for your bling! Another thing with which we can bribe Morrigan to be civil.  
 **Neria:** *pokes the medallion* Ooh. Key-bling.

(And from there, they travel to the ancient ruins, where their key-bling gains them access to corridors and tunnels teeming with cultists and dragons alike.)

**Neria:** You're ... skinning that drake.  
 **Zevran:** It nearly took my arm off, woman. I appreciate the irony in how I will soon be wearing its skin to protect myself from such further attempts by its kin.  
 **Neria:** ...Alistair?  
 **Alistair:** For once, I agree with him. The dragon that tried to bite me in half is going to be _great_ armour in a day or three.  
 **Neria:** *sigh*

(And finally, they approach the Gauntlet.)

**Guardian:** There has been suffering on your path. Your suffering, and the suffering of others.  
 **Neria:** I've had my mope-through-song already. So has the Templar. Their turn.

(To the tune of "If I Only Had a Heart")  
 **Morrigan:**  
Had I not been Flemeth's vessel  
I would be nothing special;  
Thus not within the cast  
Now I'm onto something greater  
And will shag the Templar later  
'Cos I've got a troubled past.

**Alistair:** Wait, _what_ was that about shagging--?

**Oghren:**  
'Fore my wife went off her noggin  
My great-axe I was floggin' (hehe)  
Within the warrior caste  
I'm not feeling very manful  
Since I killed her for the Anvil;  
Now I've got a troubled past!

**Leliana:**  
Picture me ... a refugee...  
Without my skills as Bard...

**Zevran:**  
Were Crow training not so hard  
I'd not be here! *nudge nudge wink wink* Oh dear!

**Wynne:**  
I'm kept living by a spirit  
But please, child, do not fear it;  
Just fear it will not last.

**Leliana:**  
Then there's Sten, who's not heroic  
And he won't sing, 'cos he's stoic  
But he's got a troubled past...

**Entire Group:**  
When we get to the Gantlet  
In Andraste's name we'll flaunt it  
That we've all got troubled pasts!

**Guardian:** You shall have your pinch of ashes if you promise not to do an encore.  
 **Neria:** Excellent!

* * *

(Our Heroes return to Redcliffe, and Eamon is saved!)

**Eamon:** You saved my life and my family! I owe you a great deal! Now, decide the fate of the assassin maleficar you call friend. And no, I won't let him go. Either I can execute him, or we can give him to the Circle so the Templars can do it.  
 **Neria:** Wow. I save your family, you give me a lifetime of guilt. Thanks.  
 **Eamon:** Don't mention it. Now; have you got your armies together yet?  
 **Neria:** Nearly.  
 **Eamon:** Good. Get the rest and then we'll see about making your boy-toy king against his will.  
 **Party as a whole:** ......................................  
 **Alistair:** No one start in on "We're off to see the Dalish", alright? I am _not in the mood_.

(Of course, they're not getting the help of the Dalish without jumping through a few hoops...)

**Neria:**  
Werewolves?

**Zathrian:**  
And blightwolves.

**Cammen:**  
And bears.

**Alistair:**  
Oh, my!

**Neria, Alistair, Zevran:**  
Werewolves and blightwolves and bears; oh my!  
Werewolves and blightwolves and bears; oh my!  
Werewolves and blightwolves and--

**Morrigan:** Trees.  
 **Alistair:** ...What?  
 **Sylvain:** Ruuuuuuuuuuuuoooooar!  
 **Alistair:** Oh _my_...

(Of course, it turns out that they were the victims of false advertising _yet again_...)

**Zathrian:** Pay no attention to the girl behind the werewolves!  
 **Alistair:** Well, it's your curse; aren't _you_ the one behind the werewolves? Or at least, behind the fact that they _are_ werewolves?  
 **Zathrian:** They deserved it! Even though they aren't the ones who raped my family because they died a hundred years ago! These innocent shems will suffer because I'm still angry at _everything_!

(Neria throws a bucket of water at Zathrian, who ... sputters a bit.)

**Alistair:** _Why_?!?  
 **Neria:** ...*shrug*  
 **Alistair:** The trees are coming for us again. Try. Something. Else.

(After a fight in which Mana Clash becomes a heavy factor and the stabnation is duly brought, the curse is lifted and the Dalish are brought onside in the effort to stop the Blight. The group piles into Denerim, gets a verbal smackdown by Loghain and cronies, and there's another tour of another jail somewhere along the way thanks to the wannabe regent...)

**Anora:** Thank you for agreeing to speak with me. Despite getting you thrown in jail. I wanted to make my case for myself as the queen of Ferelden.  
 **Neria:** Did you miss the bit where I'm not supposed to 'rule over' anyone?  
 **Anora:** That's your magic, dear, not you. _You_ don't need that blood magic stuff. You've influence all your own and I intend to bend it to my advantage.  
 **Neria:** ...

(To the tune of "If I Were King of the Forest")  
 **Anora:**  
If I were queen of Ferelden...  
Not Teyrn. Not Arl. Not Bann.  
I'd do my best for Ferelden...  
Through cunning and skill with a plan.  
I'd command my Arls to be firm but fair  
With a wave and a smile and a royal air... (Queen Elizabeth-style Royal Handwave demonstration)  
As a monarch proud I would stand unbowed  
Earn the nobles' trust howsoe'er they fussed!  
And I never would be mean...  
If I ... I ... were queen!

The Arlings would respect me  
The Bannorn genuflect to me  
Though it be a feat, I would be so sweet  
To every living being...  
If I ... if I ... were queen!

**Neria:** ...Okaaaaaay...  
 **Anora:** I ... apologise. I don't know what got into me.  
 **Neria:** You get used to it.

(After that disturbing interlude and some mess in the Alienage...)

**Tevinter:** Pay no attention to the elves behind the cage bars!  
 **Neria:** Why do they keep thinking that will work?  
 **Alistair:** The same reason you keep tossing water on foes like you think they're going to melt?

(...the group turns up for the Landsmeet. Loghain gets owned by a girlie-mage and then publicly executed.)

**Eamon:** So Alistair's king!  
 **Alistair; Anora:** Nooooooo! Neria!  
 **Neria:** ...*sigh* Because I don't want to be someone's bloody courtesan and I need another Warden ... Anora, you can have the sodding crown.  
 **Anora:** Yay!  
 **Neria:** Can I go back to _stopping the Blight_ now?

(The political nightmare over, the party bounces back towards Redcliffe to talk battle strategy with Eamon.)

(To the tune of "Optimistic Voices")  
 **Alistair:**  
I'm off of the throne, I'm out of the crown, I'm happy and light!  
I thought I'd be king; I got such a fright!  
Now I've been freed from the burdensome weight of my birthright; goodbye!  
There's just the big darkspawn horde left to fight and we're in the clear!  
We're marching to Redclife and we're...

(Redcliffe is burning down)

**Alistair:** ...here?  
 **Neria:** ...By Andraste's nether-bits...

(Once Redcliffe is cleared, ~~MacGuffin~~ Riordan turns up and explains how actually, this was minor and...)

**Neria:** But we just _left_ Denerim!  
 **Alistair:** You could try telling them they're in the wrong place...  
 **Neria:** It wasn't funny when _I_ said it, either.  
 **Morrigan:** Before we go, I need to have sex with your boy-toy.  
 **Alistair:** First of all, I am not her boy-toy. I am _older_ than she is; she is my jailbait. Second: ... _what_?!?  
 **Morrigan:** That or one of you dies.  
 **Alistair:** ...Eavesdropping cow.  
 **Morrigan:** If that is what it takes to arouse you, I _am_ a shapeshifter...  
 **Neria:** LA LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING! *flees*

(With that done, off to Denerim for a protracted final battle full of running and screaming and armies and blood and gore, but the important thing is that after a good long while, a vast column of light shoots skyward from the top of Fort Drakon, the darkspawn run like frightened lemmings and everyone just _knows_...)

**People of Ferelden:**  
Ding-dong, the demon's dead!  
Which demon? The Archdemon!  
Ding-dong, the big archdemon's dead!  
Stop hiding all in dread!  
Up you get!

**Redcliffe Troops:**  
(Unless you're dead.)

**People of Ferelden:**  
Ding-dong, the big archdemon's dead!  
We'll all drive the darkspawn back below,  
Below below yo-ho!

**Dwarves:**  
So they're our problem now  
Oh how convenient...

**People of Ferelden:**  
Victorious, we'll crow!  
(We did squat to kill it, though)  
All must know the big archdemon's dead!

(Once the clean-up's done and Anora finally has that crown she's been coveting, there is a Massive Party.)

**Anora:**  
Come gather 'round, Ferelden's elite  
And meet the elf mage who achieved quite a feat  
She's noble and brave; she's come very far  
Once just an apprentice; now our brightest star  
She brings you good news - or haven't you heard?  
When she faced the archdemon, a miracle occurred...

**Neria:**  
It really was no miracle; what happened was just this...

The horrid tainted god  
Its wing was flawed  
Riordan went and toppled to his death, poor sod  
It pitched and yawed  
Above our dwarven squad  
And landed on the rooftop  
Flopping like a cod

**Alistair:**  
And oh, what happened then was odd...

**Legion of the Dead; Mages:**  
She froze it; when it thawed,  
Although she's just a broad  
She slammed a greatsword through its skull like a freakin' axle rod  
Which was not a healthy situation for the tainted god...

**People of Ferelden:**  
She froze it; when it thawed  
Although she's just a broad  
She slammed a greatsword through its skull like a freakin' axle rod  
Which was not a healthy situation for the tainted god  
Oooh, and we stood awed  
And oohed and aahed  
At what was once a tainted god!

**Anora:** All together now, people of Ferelden!

**People of Ferelden:**  
Ding-dong, the demon's dead!  
Which demon? The Archdemon!  
Ding-dong, the big archdemon's dead!  
Stop hiding all in dread!  
Up you get!

**Redcliffe Troops:**  
(Unless you're dead.)

**People of Ferelden:**  
Ding-dong, the big archdemon's dead!  
We'll all drive the darkspawn back below,  
Below below yo-ho!

**Dwarves:**  
So they're our problem now  
Oh how convenient...

**People of Ferelden:**  
Victorious, we'll crow!  
(We did squat to kill it, though)  
All must know the big archdemon's dead!

**Anora:** So, what are your plans now?  
 **Neria:** Well, the Wardens still need me, so I'll stick with the rebuilding. And let me tell you; next time I go looking for adventure, I won't look further than my own backyard, over in Amaranthine or wherever.

(Some months later, on the road to Vigil's Keep...)

**Random Redshirt:** Help! The Keep's under attack!  
 **Mhairi:** Maker's breath!  
 **Neria:** ...Knickerweasels.

END


End file.
